Some Contrary Advice: HSPs and Work

by Carolee on March 3, 2012

As a member of several HSP communities and the reader of tons of books, I often see HSPs advised to become entrepreneurs and work for themselves. Someone asked about this recently on a Facebook community I’m a part of and since I’d experienced both sides of the issue, I thought I’d chime in. Because it ended up being lengthy, I thought, “hey! This would make for a great blog post!” so here it is!

I ran my own VA business for a few years. I loved it because I needed to be semi-isolated. During this time, I learned a lot about being highly sensitive and recharged from years of trying to be hardy. During that time, I swore up and down that I was not strong enough to work a “normal job” ever again. However, I was lucky enough to meet a group of really amazing, passionate tech people and they convinced me to join their fold. It’s not always easy (yes, I take things more personally and get tired easier) but I wouldn’t trade it for anything… except maybe IT at my favorite cartoon, but that’s another story!

For me, it’s my training ground. It’s teaching me to learn where my limits are and when enough is enough. It’s teaching me how to deal really well with overwhelm in the moment and, again later on. It’s helped prove to me that I need a “lady cave” and that feeling needs to extend into every place I go. And mostly what it’s done is helped me gain a lot of confidence in myself and my abilities. I’m the lead Mac tech in a small-to-medium sized company. I’m a high functioning, high achieving member of an almost 20 person team. I’m good at what I do and gosh darn it! People like me! That’s been huge!

Are there days where I do too much? Of course. Are there days when I just can’t take it? Absolutely. But you know what? The next morning, I wake up and I go into work, happy and excited to work. I love my coworkers. I love what I do.

So yes, time alone doing your own thing and making money from it can be very very helpful for anyone, especially the highly sensitive. However, don’t let it stop you from doing what you’re really passionate about. Don’t let it stop you from finding a place you could really fit in and love.

What’s your experience been? Are you in a 9-to-5 and hating it? Loving it? An entrepreneur through and through? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

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Codependency and HSPs

by Carolee on January 4, 2011

Last night, I ended up, rather accidentally, to learning more about codependant relationships. I clicked on the wrong link on Ane Axford’s blog and ended up at this post, HSPs Breaking Free of Codependence. From there, I started reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. While I had a bit of difficulty getting over how it was presented (it focuses quite a bit on substance abuse issues, which I did not have in my family), I realized that I have a pretty classic codependent personality thanks to the general dysfunction I grew up in.
What are some classic codependency traits? Here’s just a selection of the ones that resonated with me from the list I found here:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
I can take care of myself without any help from others.
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge what I think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
I believe most people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel.
I avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a means of maintaining distance.
I suppress my feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.
I pull people toward me, but when they get close, I push them away.
Codependency is a pretty common thing among the highly sensitive because we feel more than the more hearty among us. Things that might have rolled off the backs of others sticks around with us and continues to have an impact over the years. So, if this at all resonates with you, I encourage you to check out Melody Beattie’s books, starting with the one I linked above.
Do you feel that you have some codependent tendencies? How does it express in your life? Have you tried to change? What have you used?

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Highly Sensitive People – Are You One?

February 7, 2010

A lot of people will read the title of this post and think, “me? Sensitive? Even highly sensitive? Never!” At first, that was my reaction as well! I’m decidedly unsensitive, almost to a fault. But something told me to dig further when I heard about it and I’m glad I did. Once upon a time [...]

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